


colours shining through

by Love_Psycho



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Drama, F/M, Fantasy, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Manga Spoilers, Renzo is a perv in all incarnations, Romance, Rule 63 - Shima Renzou, but there will be a happy ending, probably definite AU when more ch come out, she also has issues, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:10:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2246844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_Psycho/pseuds/Love_Psycho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~there is a place and a memory of sunshine, laughter, and splashing water. There's a fall real and unreal. A hand and a smile~ Ren is many things and one of them is someone hopelessly and stupidly in love with her childhood friend. Must be a family thing. But hers is impossible and there is more out there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	colours shining through

**Author's Note:**

> This fic came out of nowhere. Original plan was for some Childhood Friend Romance between Ryuji and fem!Renzo but my OTP showed up and went NOPE.
> 
> Note that I don't see being a "slut" a bad thing myself, but this is what Ren is thinking. Society and how she was raised makes her think this.
> 
> Disclaimer: Don't own any of the material used here, just me being a weird crazy person. All rights reserved.

**Part One**   
_You with the sad eyes_   
_Don't be discouraged_   
_Oh, I realize_   
_It's hard to take courage_

* * *

Ren is six years old when she falls.

It's a stupid thing really, a water pool and waterfall that she, Ryūji, and Koneko play in out in the forest. They are young and have no real idea of _girls boys_ so don't see the problem with essentially skinny dipping and splashing around in the _wet cold_ water.

Ren can't recall her exact reasons for climbing to the top of the waterfall, intent on diving from that great height. She remembers slipping on wet rocks near the top and falling. She remembers pain and screaming, blood.

She remembers Ryūji _(though she always calls him Bon he's still Ryūji to her)_ being there, being the calm one. His comforting smile, his hand in hers as they waited for Koneko to bring back help. A smile so nice that despite the pain she can't help but smile back.

_(Ren falls that day, in the wet and sunshine with a little rainbow thrown up in the spray behind Ryūji. Falls hard and fast and it's something that can never be replaced.)_

_(she never sees that rainbow again)_

_(never sees Ryūji smile at her like that again)_

* * *

“You are a Shima and you have a duty to the Myōō Dharani and the Suguro family.”

Those words define the Shima family, press down on Ren. Make everything about her relationship with Ryūji _(Bon, must call him that)_ hard and cold, nothing more than honour and family. The Myōō Dharani.

“Take-nii died for you, you should honour that sacrifice.”

Ren quickly learns to **hate** Take-nii. To her, he's some kind of formless  monster of a big brother, someone that broke her family and put so much pressure on her that she can't take the weight.

She still trains. Still works on being a **bodyguard** no longer a friend. She still learns, though she pretends not to. Grows up.

_(she finds Yamantaka by chance and he's a solid, powerful **reliable** presence to her)_

_(most would find her strange by saying that a demon, her familiar, is her **best friend** )_

_(but less strange than her claiming he's her **real** big brother)_

Ryūji grows too, gets tougher and more stubborn. He no longer smiles like he used to, he has to be an adult, a grown man, a leader and lynchpin. Koneko is the same, though softer and sweeter about it. He scolds her for slacking off, Ryūji growls at her for the same.

Ren starts to feel so alone in the world. Feel dirty and wrong and _why can't she be different?_

_(so when a strange man comes around with promises on poison lips she agrees)_

_(she's poisoned already so might as well go further)_

* * *

Ren grows in other ways. When she's in Junior High, she's one of the most developed girls in school.

Boys notice, leer over her.

Girls notice, sneer over her.

Ren has always been a bit more open minded about sex. Probably because her family is huge and mostly made up of boys. Because she heard Jun-nee come home pissed off at a less-than-experienced date more than once and not being subtle about it. Because Jū-nii and Gō-nii and Kin-nii all like girls. Because Kin-nii is an _idiot_ and thus Ren finds it easy to “borrow” his porn and peruse it.

Because Kaa-san is amazing blunt when it comes time to explain sex and Ren has a baby sister she recalls firmly being in the womb. Because her parents have a healthy sex life and her mother is already considering having another child.

So she has no trouble being obnoxious about it either. Standing out, getting attention that isn't whispers and worries and _isn't that the girl from the cursed temple?_

In Junior High she gets the nickname “ _ **Succubus**_ ”. She's also called a slut and girls shove her and purposely leave her out and trash her homework. Ren keeps a _(fake)_ smile on her face and avoids bringing it up, even when her grades suffer because of it. She takes advantage of it and she's soon the slacker, slut of a girl to most.

And in her last year she truly is a slut.

_(in her last year she has sex with Ryūji)_

* * *

It's almost an accident. It's near graduation, just after finals. Before results come in.

Ryūji is stressing out more than usual _(he needs to be good enough to get that scholarship to True Cross, has to go there for the Sect to be an exorcist_ _ **kick Satan's ass**_ _)_ and Ren just wants him to relax. Koneko got dragged into a Sect meeting so he's not there to help _(corral)_ Ren.

So she decides to take him to a pre-graduation party. Ren has plenty of “friends”, mostly guys, friends who don't mind inviting her over for eye-candy at parties.

It would have been fine – some girls were noticing Ryūji cause _wow he got muscles_ over the last year, guys were totally noticing Ren's rack and legs – except someone had brought sake to the place. Even spiked the punch.

So they were drunk.

_(having her first time be drunken sex wasn't that bad. At least she had a reason for it being kinda awful)_

_(but it **wasn't awful** cause she still **likes** Ryūji and in fact it was **wonderful** despite their mutual inexperience though at least Ren knew where everything was suppose to go)_

Ryūji immediately feels guilty. Wants to do this right and Ren...

...Ren laughs in his face.

“Oh c'mon! I take the mixture just like every other lady in the sect.” Ren sneers at him. “We were both virgins too, so no problem with STIs either.”

_(she hurts him, she knows that but..._

“ _You are to protect the Suguro family. The Shima family has served them for generations and helped them stay in power. One day you will have to do so too. And so there is a line you cannot cross Ren.”_

_...she's no candidate for bride. Not for Ryūji-sama)_

Ryūji scowls and goes, “Yeah, good point. Like I could marry you. Be like marrying a boy.”

_(it hurts so **fucking** much – her heart shatters into pieces – and Ren stops feeling guilty)_

_(neither she or Ryūji speak of it again, not even to each other)_

* * *

  **Part Two  
** _In a world full of people  
_ _You can lose sight of it all  
_ _And the darkness there inside you  
_ _Makes you feel so small_

* * *

Ren dyes her hair pink as soon as Kyoto is out of sight.

In True Cross, still hurting, still angry, a fucking spy _(though she rather not think of it that way_ ), Ren really becomes the school slut.

She has her rules of course. If there's no condom _bye-bye hope you are good with your hands_.

Otherwise she has no trouble.

_(She wants it to **hurt** )_

* * *

Ren hates Izumo. She hates her _so_ _ **fucking**_ _much_.

So she fakes really liking her. Her sharing a dorm with her makes it easier. Happy smiles and veiled barbed comments. Touching her and always playing nice.

Izumo's a **prude** so she can't stand the fact she's got the school slut in the same dorm room as her. Can't stand her hanging around her like they're _best friends_.

_(Ren makes a point of masturbating, loudly, whenever Izumo's in a particularly bitchy mood at night)_

She's also someone Ryūji likes. Not like anyone else could tell but Ren's been watching _(hoping, dreaming, dying)_ Ryūji for so long she knows.

And soon she realizes Izumo likes him back and wants to **break** her.

_(the order to capture Izumo gives her an excuse to rough her up a bit)_

She likes Paku though, cause she's sweet and kind and in much the same position.

_(Paku's her first girl and they mutually kiss and touch wishing it was Ryūji/Izumo instead)_

Paku is sweet to Ren no matter what and it's through her that Ren can (somewhat) get Izumo.

_(but she still hates her in some way and she's filthy poison through and through)_

_(that doesn't mean she didn't feel like crying when she realized just how much those Byakko meant to Izumo)_

* * *

Shiemi is sweet, kind, and gentle sunshine and though Ren doesn't hate her _(_ _ **can't**_ _hate her)_ she avoids her.

Shiemi makes all the awful, dirty poison in her clearer and more visible.

_(she sees how popular and oblivious she is about it and feels a curl of envy)_

_(another thing to hate herself for)_

* * *

Rin is an accident. A total, fucking accident that really shouldn't _(but really should)_ happen. There's a part of her that screams at her _how could you_ but she shuts it up.

Finding out this dork is the Son of Satan fucks with Ren's head quite a bit. She kinda wants to avoid him _(partly because it's troublesome like she says, and partly because the more she knows the more goes in her reports and he's too_ _ **sweet**_ _for that)_ but somehow manages to eat dinner with him in Kyoto that first night.

There's a drink mix up and he's drunk enough that it's easy to convince him. Which is wrong but Ren doesn't _(or so she convinces herself)_ care.

_(he's freaking adorable throughout it all, so **gentle** despite his strength, fumbles a bit in places but learns fast what makes Ren feel good)_

_(Ren learns quickly that his ears and tail are sensitive and biting is a big turn on to him. Not to mention he's got crazy stamina and is **noisy**. She's never had to kiss a guy so much to keep him quiet)_

_(he's the best sex she's ever had and there's something tragically funny about that)_

The next morning he's giving her lost puppy eyes and doesn't know how to really act when she sits down across from him as if nothing happened or changed.

 _(then Kin-nii the fucking idiot shows up and she calls Rin_ friend _to explain him to her brothers)_

And the idiot half-demon lights up like crazy.

_(he sticks around and treats her like a friend and Ren doesn't get it. Why is Rin being so **nice**?)_

* * *

“Do you want to go to the dance with me?”

Ren has no real answer to that, for the first time speechless.

_(many guys ask her that and she gives them answers that aren't really answers but **this** )_

Rin is the one asking her. She's the first one he asks _(why? There are others paku izumo shiemi why her?)_ and she just doesn't understand.

Rin just grins and says she can think on it.

Rin's been around her a lot lately, just being _there_ and Ren has no clue how to react.

_(because there has always been three kinds of boys in her life; brothers, like Jū-nii and Koneko, boys she can fuck, and Ryūji. Rin should be under boys she can fuck but he's not acting like them)_

_(never does despite that one time)_

He makes her bento, talks to her about homework, asks about music she likes _(he likes_ _most of_ _what she likes, and thin_ _k_ _s it's cute she likes traditional music secretly)_ , manga she reads, and is being such a good friend that she has no clue how to react.

_(but sometimes he looks at her **differently** and now he's asked her out and...)_

Ren says no.

_(then she kidnaps Izumo and that's it she's the enemy)_

* * *

Except Rin won't give up on on her and now he's across from her just standing there.

_(Ren thinks he looks hot as much as cute with Kurikara out and his ears and fangs and eyes. Just how much power he has and will have drives her **crazy** as much as how kind he is)_

“Tell me.” Rin says. “Tell me why you want to hurt yourself so much. What made you think you deserved to be torn apart?”

Ren wants to run, fight but Rin just takes the stab as if it's nothing despite the _fucking black flames_ and holds her.

He holds her and Ren doesn't know what to do or say. _(three_ _kinds of_ _guys brothers, boys, Ryūji, and_ _ **what is Rin?**_ _)_ She should run, fuck him, or hit him but nothing seems right and she can't, she can't...

Ren cries.

Rin doesn't leave her.

_(he never will)_

* * *

Then Izumo-Ninetails is there and there is screaming. Rin puts Ren, having dismissed Yamantaka and feeling like a wet noodle and so fucking tired, on his back and jumps up to get to the idiot girl.

Gedouin is laughing and Rin is struggling. He _can't_ kill humans and he's burdened by Ren even after he puts her down so the Illuminati fighting him are going to beat him, maybe kill him like Gedouin wants.

Ren doesn't have that problem.

_(she dealt with the slimeball staring at her like she's some interesting bug, a pretty bug. His insinuations and cruel eyes, the **stink** around him)_

_(she hates him, truly madly **hates** him)_

One of the Illuminati Rin managed to knock down uses guns. Ren picks one up and shoots.

She hits the containment box, the thing used to keep Izumo-Ninetails contained, specifically the main control. Killing it and unleashing Izumo-Ninetails, a very pissy one. That nicely distracts the Illuminati and Ren calls up Yamantaka _(one more time buddy let's do this)_ and uses him to knock Gedouin into the zombie pen.

Ren manages to hold on long enough to fiddle with the controls _(she saw him use them and she's_ _observant_ _would be a poor spy if she wasn't_ ), lock the bastard in there and then unleash every single zombie thing there.

The last thing she hears is the sick asshole screaming.

The last thing she sees is angry Izumo-Ninetails halting at the sight of Ryūji.

( _that's a lie._ _)_

_(the last thing she hears is Rin's voice)_

_(the last thing she sees is his worried, beautiful demon eyes)_

* * *

  **Part Three  
** _But I see your true colours  
_ _Shining through  
_ _I see your true colours  
_ _And that's why I love you_

* * *

_(Ren dreams of black fire, a soothing deep voice and a touch on her forehead_

_someone saying “see you later” and wishing her well_

_telling her to take the chance when she sees it_

_saying he wishes her happiness)_

Ren wakes up crying.

* * *

Rin's there. Ren isn't surprised and wonders why. He's got his head beside her on her bed, the rest of him mostly in a chair nearby.

His hand is grasping hers and it's warm, soft and comforting. He's asleep too, breathing softly with his eyes slightly open. It should be creepy but Ren finds it cute.

Ren looks around but it's obvious she's in some kind of hospital ward. A private one at that and she wonders at it.

She also wonders at how strange she feels. Like she's more than herself.

She glances back at Rin and this time he's awake.

The smile on his face is like dawn breaking _(and when did she become a poet?)_ and he sits up.

“Good morning Ren.” He says it like it's nothing special, but she can see bags _(actual_ _ **bags**_ _from the guy who napped_ _in_ _class and apparently can sleep 11 hours straight)_ under his eyes and the way his hand tightens around hers reveals the truth.

“What happened?”

_(Ren expected many answers, many reasons)_

Rin looks sad for a moment. Hesitates for a moment before his natural blunt nature takes over.

_(some reason for why she was here)_

“You died.”

_(but not that)_

* * *

A few days later she stands in front of a mirror, naked and wondering at her new form.

Yamantaka apparently sacrificed something for her. What wasn't really explained, but Yamantaka was...

...not dead.

But he would sleep for centuries because of it. She wouldn't be able to see him during that time. So maybe for a bit he was dead, at least in a fashion.

_(another brother has died for **her** and she's not sure she understands)_

Ren touches the face in the mirror and can only half believe it's hers. Same basic structure but...

The pink hair is natural now, with a few strands of black in it. The hair below confirms the realness of it all. Her eyes look gold, with her pupils slitted. Her ears are pointed and when she opens her mouth there are fangs there, much like Rin's. Most importantly, she's got little horns on her head, tiny black ones that Rin called cute.

She has a tail too, a strange one that's dark gold mostly, with a black tip like an arrowhead with a smaller one underneath that fades into pink.

 ~~Shima~~ Ren is now a half-demon.

_(if she wasn't she would be dead)_

* * *

“I said you aren't going to take her in!”

Ryūji stands in front of her, broad shoulders in the way of most of her view. He's got his fists clenched and feet solidly planted in the ground.

It's things like this that reminds Ren why she loved him.

Ryūji isn't the only person getting in the way. So is Rin, Shiemi, Koneko, and even Okumura-sensei is there. Even Paku and a confused but also determined Godaiin. Izumo stands beside her and slips her hand in hers.

_(Ren isn't the only one who's been turned into a half-demon. Izumo has as well and now they both have to get used to it)_

_(Ren doesn't hate Izumo anymore; she understands her too much for that now)_

The Paladin is glaring down at them, twisting his classically handsome features into an ugly mask. The more dishevelled man beside him raises his hat and looks them over. There's something _sharp_ in his gaze that Ren sees and he seems to see something in her and the others too.

He laughs. “C'mon Angel. Doubt the girl could help us much information wise. Just a low level. And she's already paid the price. Leave her be, unless you want to fight all the _kids_ here.”

The Paladin pauses, then sneers. “Very well. But we will be _watching_ you.”

He then turns on his heels and flounces away. Rin gives the finger to his back. No one comments, not even Okumura-sensei, on that.

* * *

_(A month later Okumura-sensei – no Yukio – becomes a half-demon as well_

_Rin punches him_

_Shiemi hugs him_

_Then everything is alright with them and everyone_

_Yukio joins the “special class” that, of all people, Rin is teaching for new half-demons_

_Rin is never letting Yukio live his idiocy down but it's obvious the brothers love each other_

_And Shiemi is going to be there for Yukio as well)_

* * *

“I loved you.” Ren says one day to Ryūji. They are sitting outside on a stone bench, looking up at the nearby tree that will slowly blossom into beautiful cherry blossoms. It's nearing time for the first exorcist test and everyone (and at times _everything_ it seems) is holding their breath for Rin's results.

“I loved you for a very long time.”

_(Ryūji says nothing, just holds her hand as she cries.)_

“I'm sorry. I should have...no. Just...I'm sorry.”

_(it's enough)_

* * *

Ren is the first one to find out Rin isn't going to be dying anytime soon.

Rin announces his success at the _(really difficult)_ tests he went through by running towards her, lifting her in the air, spinning her around, then kissing her senseless.

“You passed?” Ren laughs, breathless.

“Yes!” Rin holds her close and takes a deep breath, taking in her scent.

_(Ren does the same and loves his scent of flowers, honey, and spices as girly as it is)_

_(Rin never tells her what she smells like but it's fine)_

“Then no execution?”

“Nope! We got sukiyaki instead!” Rin beams.

Ren laughs and laughs, until Rin kisses her again.

_(she's happy and whole with her heart beating in her chest)_

* * *

By the rules of the Myōō Dharani and the Shima family, Ren as a half-demon is no longer part of the family.

_(they still consider her family unofficially but officially she's of no family, no clan_

_Ryūji says he'll change those rules when he becomes head and judging by the looks and touches that go between him and Izumo it's almost certain to happen)_

Strangely enough her relationship with them is much better now that they aren't technically family anymore. Jū-nii and his wife Mamushi visit often with gifts and her mother keeps in better contact with her now ( _though she calls Ryūji_ _'s cell_ _for this to his annoyance)_.

Ren doesn't care.

_(because one day there will be Rin, a ring or something more special, and a proposal that she will say yes to_

_and then she'll be **Okumura** Ren)_

She's happy now.

_(she was never dirty but she had to be fixed first to realize she was ever broken)_

* * *

This is her happily ever after.

It's filled with demons, half-demons, exorcists good and bad, Illuminati, blood, sweat, and battle.

It's also filled with love, friends, family of a sort, and good food. A smile that's only hers.

_(one day there will be a sunshower and she sees her rainbow. It's a new one, a better one_

_her colours are bright and she has a husband and a baby on the way)_

Ren smiles for real for the first time since she was six.

Rin smiles back and pulls her close for a kiss.

* * *

  _So don't be afraid to let them show  
_ _Your true colours  
_ _True colours  
_ _Are beautiful like a rainbow_

-end-

Lyrics: “ _True Colours_ ” by **Artists Against** ( **Cyndi Lauper** cover)

 

 


End file.
